| Wintergreen |
[04 Dec 2009|07:28pm] |
Winter took its time getting to Toronto this year. It stopped for a bite in BC, paused to whack one out on the prairie provinces, and was held up again when Manitoba wanted to show off its cute new puppy. But I guess it's finally here, sort of. No major snowstorms on the horizon as far as I know, and the temperature isn't set to dip far below 0 in the foreseeable future. I'm very okay with this, even if I wouldn't mind a bit of snow for Christmas.
Nevertheless...we have winter Ginko.
Speaking of Ginko, I need to get caught up on Mushishi (you can halp, if you want!). I was just thinking about one story where Ginko came across a woman and her son who were waiting for the man of the house to get home. He'd been "away" for a few years, and towards the end of the story, they found out why: he was living with another woman and helping raise their new baby.
I've long known that human infidelity has existed since the beginning of time, but I'd never given much thought about how people ditched their significant others in ye olden days, particularly in the wilderness (where most Mushishi stories tend to take place). I guess when you got fed up, you just took off and built a relationship with someone else. Depressing!
|
|
| Shh. TV. |
[01 Dec 2009|12:04pm] |
Thanks for your help with Dragon Age: Origins, every 1! I have resolved to stop worrying and learn to love the western RPG.
In Canadian-related news, I really have no idea what's going on with this whole "TV Tax" battle between Rogers/Shaw and local TV. I do know Rogers has no real right to criticise CBC, Global and its ilk for spending gobs of money on American programmes when those blood-red commies killed Ed the Sock.
:(
|
|
| Dragon Age Paranoia |
[29 Nov 2009|12:58pm] |
I hadn't really been planning on playing Dragon Age: Origins, but I was sent a copy for feature-related purposes (more on that when I actually get somewhere with it), and I am really enjoying it.
But...
BUT--
I feel like I'm not playing it right. I'm always paranoid about Stat distribution (I'm playing an elf strictly for research purposes, no seriously, aw eff you), equipment management, character tactics, enemy-killing techniques, etc etc. I'm playing on ultra pussy mode, so I haven't come anywhere close to dying,* and that just makes me even more worried that I'm setting myself up for a big fall.
I had precisely the same problems when I played Fallout 3. "Western" RPGs have so many variables to manage, I can never shake the feeling that I'm fucking it all up. Japanese RPGs never give me a problem, even on the rare occasion they throw something completely different at me. Maybe it's because I don't often play Western RPGs, but I was weaned on Dragon Warrior and Final Fantasy. Or maybe my fear of Western RPGs is totally psychomalogical.
Can anyone with a similar mindset lend some halp?
*I did have a party member sustain a bodily injury, but for the life of me I can't figure out how to apply an injury-healing kit.
**IMPORTANT NOTICE: There is a dog in my party, some kind of gigantic cross between a mastiff and an American bulldog. I named him Jon Talbain.
|
|
| I would also have accepted "Gwen Stacey." |
[28 Nov 2009|09:28am] |
I've been going through a rare (but not unheard of) bout of insomnia lately. I was watching a show called "Spider Riders" on Teletoon last night.
The content was pretty typical of any derivative anime stabled in the 4 a.m. time slot. Destined kid with spunk issues, disjointed sentences, treacherous family members, etc. To its credit, the pre-teen cast was bonded with gigantic spiders instead of yet another twenty dragons who are from legend, but are subservient to spiky-haired boys whose balls will never drop, ever.
Me: "I like the idea here. It's different. Everybody has a fantasy about riding a dragon into battle, but who wants to ride a spider?"
David: "Mary Jane?"
Well, I walked right into that one.
|
|
| On Holiday |
[24 Nov 2009|01:24pm] |
Hello! Some of you may recall the strange affair of the 1UP Holiday Feature, in which I asked for holiday-related game anecdotes. I've received some contributions, but there are a lot of people who offered help, and whom I haven't heard back from.
If you're one of those people, drop me a line and let me know if you're still planning to contribute! I can give you some extra time, but I really do need to know what the score is.
If you would like to contribute and can manage a quick turnaround, scream at me at nadiaoxford at gmail dot com.
|
|
| JAZZ HANDS |
[21 Nov 2009|05:12am] |
My friends, today I have uncovered an important part of my heritage. No longer will I have to generalise myself. No longer will I have to deny who I am, or adhere to society's "norms" out of guilt and confusion.
Today, I deny the neat, sweeping label of "right-handedness." I am mixed-handed.
I write and pass with my right hand. I swing baseball bats, hockey sticks, and golf clubs with my left. I cut food with my left. In karate, I favour my left leg when I kick.
In all seriousness, this is actually a really interesting discovery about myself (and my brothers, who likewise play sports as lefties but are technically right-handed). It's not as if I've had to live a life of suffering and lies, but people have asked me, "Why are you batting the wrong way?" when I play baseball, and "Why are you cutting with your left hand, that is so friggin' bizarre" when I eat dinner. And I knew I wasn't ambidextrous, because I can't change my handedness at will. I have to write with my right hand. I have to swing with my left.
Michelangelo, Beethoven, and Hendrix were cross-dominant. So is Shawn Michaels from the WWE.
So is Shigeru Miyamoto, apparently. I've heard him classified most often as a lefty.
|
|
| New Super Mario Bros Fweee |
[18 Nov 2009|02:53pm] |
I say this every time a new Mario game comes out, but I think I'm doomed to say it until the entire games industry tilts into an ocean-sized sinkhole:
-There will never be another Super Mario Bros 3.
-There can't be another Super Mario Bros 3.
-The reason for that is, Super Mario Bros 3 is indeed magnificent, but let's face it, there's also a certain amount of nostalgia involved. Games are great at any age, but when you play a piece of work like Mario 3 at a carefree time in your life when your imagination is functioning at its highest capacity, that magnificent game becomes completely magical.
-Ergo, it's really not fair to hold New Super Mario Bros Wii up to your childhood memories*. It can't win, ever. The game wholly deserves to be reviewed on its own merits. For instance, I think it completely butt-stomps the first New Super Mario Bros into the ground.
-Also, to the contributors in the comments thread, I'm sorry you're stressed out over the games industry receiving an infusion of fresh blood through "casual gamers." Nintendo included a number of completely non-intrusive aids in New Super Mario Bros Wii, but I understand how their very existence might get your hackles up. I felt a similar brand of ire when every Tom, Dick, and Nobody flocked to the Playstation and gasped over the wonder of Final Fantasy VII while I endured taunts of "NEEERD!" for recognising its predecessor as a brilliant game. Rest assured, when the next game audience renaissance occurs, you will have the emotional capacity to deal with it.
*I work for Tae and he is awesome and likes hockey, but I am not in agreement with his review. But maybe you could tell.
|
|
| "The compuworld will not stand for your tyranncy." |
[17 Nov 2009|05:41pm] |
1) Thanks to everyone who offered to contribute to my feature! I'll be getting back to you all this evening, since I'm behind in my work (so what else is new).
2) I sometimes hang out at the comment threads/pseudo message boards that grow like mandrake roots under each comic at GoComics. It's pretty sad that Pluggers is supposed to be a whimsical recollection of simpler times. I can't see it for anything but an illustrated diary of the poor choices that ultimately strand America's elderly population in suburbia to wither away from diabeetus.
But at least the reader comments are insightful. One regular recently talked about how when she was a girl, the women in her family had "soap making parties", and one of the ultimate privileges whilst growing up was to be declared old enough to help watch the babies while the women went about with the soap-making. Soap-making occurred on the same day that the men and boys of the family rounded up and branded cattle.
Life is a lot less simple these days--not that melting down fat and wresting a 300 pound steer was cake--but it occurred to me that I really like the fact girls today grow up with choices. I was never very feminine: I don't hate dresses and dollies, but I never gravitated towards them. If I had lived in ye olden days, I would want to be outside working with the animals, not inside doting over babies and making soap. But I probably wouldn't have had a choice. I would have been stirring lye.
Maybe it was easier to accept your pre-categorised life if you grew up in an environment that issued expectations based on your gender, but somehow I think I still would have resented it.
3) ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pretzelcoatl shared with the world this wonderful thing:
|
|
| Merry Holiday Event |
[16 Nov 2009|02:39am] |
So! I'm working on a holiday-themed, anecdote-based feature for 1UP (my favourite kind), which involves collecting stories about Christmas mornings filled with blaring, blinking, brand-new video games and/or consoles.*
Contributions have been a wee bit sluggish, so if you have something, I'd love for you to drop me a line! Mail me first at nadiaoxford at gmail dot com and just say "hello" or something, or even "I hear you liek mudkips." When you get in touch, I'll tell you specifically what I need. I'd like a nice mix of retro and turbo revvin' young punk gamers.
I'd especially like contributions from:
-Giiiiiirls
-People who celebrate gift-giving holidays alongside/other than Christmas
-Present-day adults who torture their kids on Christmas Day by giving out socks and hiding the games until the very last minute.
-Anyone who rode the Polar Express on Santa's lap.
*Also, saddening stories about Christmas disappointments are welcome. Relive the trauma. I will hold your head in my lap.
Please don't leave contributions in the comments section, oh God don't do that for the love of Jesus Mary and St Joseph just mail me and keep me from hanging myself. Thank you!
If you have a friend or a relative or a dog who has a really cool Christmas story, feel free to send them my way!
Thanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
|
|
| Yeah |
[16 Nov 2009|02:15am] |
|
New Super Mario Bros Wii is pretty great, actually.
|
|
| Boy |
[10 Nov 2009|06:26pm] |
The first anniversary of the Mother 3 translation came and went last month. Maybe it's for this reason that I feel compelled to share a pint-sized mindfuck with you all. The final battle in Mother 3 was pretty intense, yes. But if you watch this video of the unused backgrounds and music originally intended for the last conflict, you can probably gather that it was, at one point, meant to make you crap your pants.
1:30 is just nightmare fuel.
If you stick angel wings on a tortured character, I'm going to roll my eyes. If you stick angel wings on a tortured little boy whose innocently naked form is undulating to otherworldly funk, I'm going to say "AAAH!"
Considering the bond between Lucas and Claus, I actually find this more unsettling than the battle with Giygas in Earthbound.
|
|
| Two men say they're Jesus; one of them must be wrong |
[09 Nov 2009|02:40am] |
Religion's a pretty versatile tool when it's in the hands of humanity. Some people credit religion for wondrous works of art, literature, and architecture. Others blame religion for all the world's wars and miseries.
I've been reading up on cults, and I don't think the Bible has been used to kindle battles as often as it's been quoted by weirdos looking for an excuse to sleep with harems of prepubescent girls.
Eeesh.
|
|
| Chicks and Dicks |
[30 Oct 2009|07:10pm] |
I've been waiting for months for Jack Chick to sink to a new low instead of just phoning in tracts that are clownshit insane or merely contradictory ("Hey kids, now that I've told you all about how hell is a dark screamy pit, watch as I turn it into the universe's hottest slapstick stage!"). I honestly thought Chick had lost it, and I would never again feel sick pangs of disbelief whilst reading his work.
Hallelujah, I have been delivered from doubt! Ladies and Gentlemen, get a load of It's Not Your Fault. Jack Chick wields the Lord's lance (huh huh) and tilts it against child molestation. It's not quite as gross as Chick's last attempt to talk molestation--which involved a little girl named Lisa being raped repeatedly by her father and her neighbour, and God's love fixing up everything in a jiffy without the hassle of dealing with godless, secular psychiatrists or policemen--but it's still pretty rank. Let's get into a circle, class, and discuss this piece of...work.
-If you feel angry towards the people who rape you, it's a sin, and God apparently says, "Stop it or I won't make you feel better."
-Accept Jesus in to your heart and you'll instantly feel better!
-Jesus will also grant you the favour of killing off your rapist(s), apparently.
-BONUS MESSAGE: The UN is bad.
A+++++, Jack Chick. See me after class for a beating.
|
|
| 1,000 Needles |
[30 Oct 2009|01:53am] |
|
You don't have to get the H1N1 vaccine. Maybe you have a very good reason for not getting the H1N1 vaccine. But refusing the vaccine does not necessarily make you smarter, healthier, or hipper than the people who do get the shot. Nor do I think this is an opportune time for you to celebrate your non-conformity by mocking people who "fall for the media hype" and get needled.
|
|
| Boogs |
[25 Oct 2009|02:28am] |
October in Southern Ontario means cold snaps and warm-ups, which also means a shitload of confused and pissed-off bugs.
Every autumn, our 15th-storey apartment is visited at least once by a medium-sized flat-winged bug with a pretty brownish-red pattern on its back. It never leaves the window, which led me to figure out it's typically an outdoor bug. This year, Cammy found one on the windowsill and taunted it for a bit before tasting it and immediately spitting it out. When I picked it up and held it out to her, she reared and ran.
I put the information together and figured out our yearly visitor is a Leaf-Footed Bug. It emits a bad smell, apparently, so it's no wonder Cammy wouldn't hang around.
Hooray! I did science!
Toronto's also been taken over by these spotted bitches, though the rain seems to have washed away the worst of them. When I was a kid, there were a lot more of the native seven-spotted ladybugs, and they were the only bugs I wasn't scared of because I knew they wouldn't bite. Now the seven-spotted ladybugs population has greatly diminished because of the Asian ladybug introduction, and these dicks bite.
|
|
| Morgan Roffle |
[22 Oct 2009|06:14pm] |
It's always a bit jarring when you're looking up a real person on Wikipedia and you stumble across a pocket of vandalism.
I looked up James Patterson's biography for my Women's Murder Club: Games of Passion review (coming soon) and saw:
The first two books from Patterson's Alex Cross series, Kiss The Girls and Along Came A Spider were adapted into feature films starring Morgan Freeman (lulzzz)!!! copter as Alex Cross.
I don't know what's with the stray "copter" in that sentence. Must be the lingering wreckage from a shot-down roflcopter.
|
|
| On the destruction of love, hope, dreams. |
[20 Oct 2009|01:35pm] |
The other day, I wrote a little blog post that mentioned Domo-kun's gradual relevance in American mainstream media.
When I went to sleep, I dreamed that another popular Japanese figure took America by storm.
The video is not especially safe for work or the planet Earth.
|
|
| Ozu |
[17 Oct 2009|02:39am] |
Well, here's a blast from the past.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz wasn't my first anime. That would likely have been The Green Forest, or The Little Prince, or Belle and Sebastian, though I never had any idea what I was watching anyway because Cinar worked hard to cover up the Japanese origin of their dubs. I only realized my earliest childhood shows were anime years later, when I was old enough to recognise art styles.
Oz was, however, almost certainly the first running storyline I followed on television. I vaguely remember being fascinated by the idea of a cartoon with a long-running story instead of the typical episodic fare featuring heroes and bozos. I would have been five or six around the time of the anime's release, so it may well have been my very first exposure to the merry Land of Oz as a whole. I was still a bit too young for the book, and I've never seen the movie.
O
M
G.
The opening song for the Wizard of Oz anime dub is by the Parachute Club. This is important trivia.
I really want to see Japan put together a Neverending Story anime. Really, really.
|
|
| It's like regular money, but more fun. |
[15 Oct 2009|03:25pm] |
pretzelcoatl posted an extremely important link: 25 Hilarious Defaced Bills.
I think defacing bills is an important patriotic exercise. It's also against the law and you really shouldn't do it. But still, it's an important patriotic exercise.
There's some pretty impressive artistic work going on in that picture collection. Props to "Joe D" for dressing up Lincoln as the Red Power Ranger. But my personal favourite is subtle and simple:
And now, here's a Kate Beaton comic to tell you all about the history of defaced Canadian money.
I looked for the Canadian $20 with the Yaranaika face drawn on Queen Elizabeth, but I couldn't find it.
|
|
| Scribblebawwww |
[14 Oct 2009|02:10pm] |
I don't know if the cool kids are all still playing Scribblenauts, but either way, I'm finally playing Scribblenauts.
I've noticed this game has evoked a lot of, "Hey, this is cool!...But--" and now I understand why. The concept is great. Peck in the name of an object, and that object blinks into existence and (sometimes) interacts with its environment.
I think I've spent more time on Scribblenauts' title screen than in the game itself. You can summon objects on the title screen and play around without any penalty or interference. And there's no denying this game is supremely clever at times: one of the first things I did (after it became apparent Maxwell's notebook will not bring to life penis, vagina, fuck, shit, piss or goddamnit) was create a dragon and a gryphon. The two beasts began fighting each other. The dragon killed the gryphon, and the resulting corpse was a roast turkey.
I tried putting a gryphon and a horse together to see if they would mate. They did not, but you can ask for a "hippogryph" nonetheless.
Title screen shenanigans aside, I was hoping Scribblenauts might be a little more intuitive. You're rewarded when you complete a puzzle of action level on or under "par," meaning you can summon a pre-set number of objects. Problem is, you're never sure what's going to work. Scribblenauts rewards original thinking, but I've been going for mundane solutions because at least I know they'll get the job done. I had to dig through a wall of dirt in one action sequence. I summoned a mole and a badger and waited for the fun to start. They sat there blankly. I sighed and brought a shovel into the world.
I had to reach a Starite stuck in a narrow passage. I tried a rope and a wad of gum, but they wouldn't stick together. I tried a pole and a glob of glue, but Maxwell couldn't/wouldn't pick it up. In the end, a lasso worked.
Maxwell himself is kind of weightless, and I mean that in every regard. God knows I don't want a complex backstory involving incest and notebooks being touched in bad places, but it would be nice if Max was more than a vessel. I want to love this little dude, but he's kind of vapid and has a tendency to not go where I tell him to. Physically, he's the same weight as everything else in the game--that is to say, feather-light. He'll flail in whichever direction you send him, and guiding him feels like I'm just batting along a piece of dandelion fluff.
I think we were all hoping that Scribblenauts would be well and truly fantastic--and in many ways, it is a success, an innovation, an etc. But I think it's ultimately just a step in a very important direction, sort of like Spore. If 5th Cell keeps what works about Scribblenauts and retools/eliminates what doesn't, then we'll have a game that will pop our heads off our shoulders.
But by then, apes might be our masters.
Anyway, icon is relevant.
(BTW, if you're ever in need of an epic flying mount in Scribblenauts, try for a "Chinese Dragon.")
|
|
|
[12 Oct 2009|02:32am] |
David's dad is in town for the Canadian edition of Thanksgiving, so blogging, etc, will be a tad on the slow side as far as my writing is concerned.
THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE TO KNO!
|
|
| "Diz-Nee: Sorry, But There's Profit To Be Had." |
[06 Oct 2009|11:28am] |
Disney posted the first five minutes of its upcoming movie, The Princess and the Frog. Whereas I didn't care much before, I am admittedly now intrigued!
People seem to be excited. Of course, Disney declared war on traditional animation at the start of the millenium, and now they're in position to be considered the medium's saviour. I see what you did there, Mickey Mouse.
The animation is still a bit too sterile and computer-y (I'm on track for a Pulitzer here), but that's been a Disney problem/trademark since the '90s. I think the New Orleans setting stands to be really interesting, and the fact Disney finally got around to creating a black Princess is nice.
|
|
| Good Ol' Days Theatre |
[04 Oct 2009|04:53pm] |
Saw this on plopidiplop's journal:
Now you're a Man! A Man, Man, Man!
Actually, I've been watching a lot of old Twilight Zone episodes lately. Fantastic little bits of acting and writing they are, and I've also gained a lot of insight as to how females were portrayed in television Back in the Day. I never expected anyone darker than a cloud on a fair summer afternoon to show up on the show, and of course that never happened. But I'm surprised at how overly-emotional (read: useless) the women are in shows like the Twilight Zone. The men squat on their hams and trace in the dust and discuss how to deal with the monster before them (repeatedly neglecting to notice it's actually inside them). The women faint, weep, scream, and are always dressed in their very best for the fainting, weeping, and screaming.
Man, I would never dress up just to freak out. Who do you think I am, the goddamn Queen.
|
|
| "You got any of them Where's Waldo books?" |
[03 Oct 2009|01:13am] |
Friday night IRC hilarity, since there's no way you'd catch my ass at a club or nothin':
Samus> I was playing Where's Waldo for the DS and I started wondering if anyone has paired Waldo, Wanda, Woof and Whitebeard and even without looking I know the answer is FUCK YES.
Zafflesia> ...
Ragnell> ...
Zafflesia> there's a where's waldo game for the ds????????/
Samus> Ubisoft sent me a review copy and I finished it in like two hours XD
Zafflesia> I'm on that shit! And this time no one can circle him in pen like in the library copies at school!
Zafflesia> there was this one douchebag who would grab a black pen and circle Waldo, and then draw a bunch of arrows all pointing at him
Samus> I remember two kids in my school got into a Where's Waldo race. They took the only copy in the library, flipped really fast through the pages and screamed "THERE HE IS" *flip flip* "THERE HE IS FUCK YOU I SAW HIM FIRST." By the end there were like three torn pages.
Zafflesia> and then someone ELSE had tried to erase the pen marks around Waldo, except they only succeeded in rubbing the ink away, so now there was this white halo around him auuggh
* Zafflesia sometimes wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about this
|
|
| Banana Streeto! |
[02 Oct 2009|03:19am] |
Only Japan would think to add shark teeth to Bert from Sesame Street. No, seriously, no other developed country on this globe would even begin to consider it. I think Japanese children are impervious to nightmares. My recurring dreams about favourite childhood cartoon characters turned into hook-wielding maniacs would be light after school comedy for them.
Ultra-Secret!!: Fast forward to 2:34.
|
|
| She's got funny underwear, everybody gawk and stare |
[27 Sep 2009|04:26am] |
My apartment building has a private laundry room. Sometimes when a sock escapes its owner, the next person to use the washer or dryer will pin the stray on the laundry room's bulletin board for pickup.
Whilst loading one of the washing machines this evening, I noticed someone had left behind a tiny pair of skimpy La Senza panties. I was going to nail it to the bulletin board and totally freak out the ultra-frum Jewish housewives, but alas I could not find a tack.
(Also, tiny underwear mystifies me. I have tree-trunk thighs and have carried birthing hips since I, myself, was birthed: I don't understand how people fit into this shit. It gently mystifies me, like watching a magician do a card trick.)
Oh, and zaphy made this thing, which in turn made my night.
|
|
| Conker Kiai |
[24 Sep 2009|09:19pm] |
The karate dojo I frequent has summer programmes for kids. Ergo, the kitchen area has a TV for break times. It also, as I learned today, has an N64.
A small pack of 12-year-olds was playing this evening whilst waiting for their siblings to finish up in the Masters' class. First of all, it was weird to see a pack of kids playing what is now a near-ancient console. But it was heartening, I suppose. Second, the good people in charge of the dojo didn't give much thought to their game purchases.
First, the kids were playing the original Mario Party. That's fine.
Then they switched over to Conker's Bad Fur Day.
Conker's Bad Fur Day.
THIS ONE.
Oh, karate dojo.
Some of the younger students from the Masters' class came to watch the N64 at work. One kid said about Conker, "Hey, that game looks like Halo!"
I said, "No, it's Conker's Bad Fur Day."
"How do you know?"
"Well (even though most girls melt when they go near game consoles I inherited a gene that makes me immune to the testosterone-heavy radiation that emanates from game systems), I write about games. It's...sort of my job. And I've been playing games since the ColecoVision."
"What's a ColecoVision? Is it older than the Dreamcast?"
Turbo revvin' young punk! Come here 'til I hit you. Wait, not a good idea, you're a senior brown belt and I'm a yellow belt.
(neontiger, I still need to talk to you about writing matters! I'll try to flag you down on IRC this weekend!)
|
|
| Model Jew Yearly |
[21 Sep 2009|10:15pm] |
It's the Jewish New Year!
Let's review some Rosh Hashana Adventures that went down at my parents' house last Saturday:
(My dad, raised orthodox Jewish for the majority of his life): "I don't get it. I went to synegogue so I could hear the Shofar, but they didn't blow it."
(My mom, the Irish-Catholic convert): "That's because today is Shabbos, you fucking retard."
___
(Me, to my older brother): "So, you went to synegogue with dad? How was it?"
(My brother): "Oh my God. Okay, you know the story of Abraham, right? God was all like, 'I want to make sure you believe in me, so sacrifice your son to me.' And Abraham ties up his son, right, and at the last second, God's angel is like, 'WHOA, DUDE, STOP!' Okay, I just told you the story of Abraham in six seconds. But in synegogue, the Rabbi was singing slowly like, 'BARUUUUUUCH HASHEEEEEEEM' and the story took two fucking hours. Jesus Christ."
___
(My dad): "We should all be healthy this year. No strokes allowed, all right?
|
|
| Do what you want 'cause Bitorrent is free |
[20 Sep 2009|01:49am] |
I refuse to take part in Talk Like a Pirate Day because it goes against my personal vow to never have any fun, ever. But I will post this song from Lazytown to commemorate scurvy, robbery, murder, and homosexual hijinks on the high sea.
"Yar har, fiddle-dee-dee,"
(Dance number)
"If you love to sail the sea,
You are a pirate!"
I thought I was just the owner of S.S. Leaky, my grandfather's rowboat. :(
|
|
| About little boxes that go deedle-deedle-doo |
[20 Sep 2009|12:36am] |
I've mentioned this on Twitter and Facebook, but I ought to throw it out here, too.
I'm now officially About.com's Nintendo DS Guide.
Visit, pls.
<3
Since most of my cheques come from American companies, I'm often hassled by my bank. "Who are these people? Have you ever deposited a cheque from them before? (do they give excellent head?)"
I got my first cheque from About, and it has the New York Times Company logo on it. I plan to grind it in the teller's face and scream, "Hassle me about this one, mother facker!"
Okay, I won't. But I might tell him/her to have a good day.
(Ohhhhh!)
Also in the News: The Life and Times of Capcom
|
|
| Feed me, Crazy Bruce |
[16 Sep 2009|02:39am] |
I think I finally understand why liquor distribution is regulated by the government in Ontario.
I owe a lot of you LJ comments. I plan to get to those later today. Please look forward to it!
|
|
| Prayer of the Digital Refugee |
[13 Sep 2009|08:02pm] |
Dear Lord in Heaven:
As you well know, since you're, like, God and all, one of my jobs often requires that I play kid-oriented massive-multiplayer online games and write up information guides for parents.
I'm not complaining about my lot in life, God. In fact, I kind of like romping through these candy-coloured worlds, which are generally laid back, troll-free, and made pleasantly quiet through rigorous swear filters and attentive mods.
But...these kiddie MMOGs need a lot of resources to run, and my computer just ain't what it used to be. Oftentimes, it collapses under its burden of pink fairy houses and talking super-dogs. When that happens, I'm forced to make alternate arrangements so I can keep playing long enough to write up my guide.
I guess what I'm saying is...
Please, God, don't make me play Hello Kitty Online in an Internet Cafe packed with smelly teenage boys screaming and swearing over World of Warcraft.
Forever 'n ever, Amen.
|
|
| 8.8 Nevar forget |
[11 Sep 2009|01:35pm] |
My 9/11 Memory by Nadia, age 10: I was working my janitorial stint in the late afternoons and evenings, so I woke up long after the worst had happened (David was out of town).
I went to work. 75% of the stores were closed and the place was a ghost town. Before shuffling off to get his mac on with the Taco Villa lady as usual, my supervisor assured me that it wasn't such a big deal that terrorists had dive-bombed three planes into various structures dedicated to America's commerce and defence.
Then the mall's fire alarm went off and I jumped about eight fucking feet.
|
|
| Okay one more I swear |
[08 Sep 2009|02:55am] |
FUCK, WHY AREN'T CARTOON INTROS AWESOME NO MO'?
Professor Layton, say hello to your father.
("Great Snakes!" said TinTin, clapping his palm to his forehead. "Your name is 'Hershel?' Was your mother a yid? I don't remember. Does she still hang around dockside bars?")
I, uh, this isn't the TinTin intro I grew up with, to be honest. But the music is the same, and that's what bloody well counts.
Edit: Okay, here's the TinTin intro I remember...minus the...whatever language that is in the title card...
|
|
| Get them now before they're gone |
[08 Sep 2009|02:29am] |
I know I've posted the intro to the Arsene Lupin cartoon that aired in Canada and France back in 1996, but Cinar threw a fit and yanked it. Well, you can't keep a good thief down, right? The intro is back up, and I'm posting it again because I honestly think it's one of the most gorgeous bits of television animation ever produced:
I have no idea why Lupin is referred to as "Night Hood." Actually, the cartoon's English dub is generally poor: Cinar didn't break the bank for voice actors. Thinking on it, I grew up with a lot of French cartoons that were poorly dubbed for Ontario, which might be why bizarre Japanese-to-English dubs didn't bother me so much when they hit North America.
Translation aside, the Night Hood intro really takes me back to being a teenager. The show was on Teletoon (and later YTV) when the station was still new, and picked up anything that was cheap. We got some really crazy shit during that rare experimental phase. A lot of it was awful, but some was just interesting for being produced without ratings or marketing in mind.
Anyway, while we're playing the nostalgia game:
The Canadian intro to "Cybersix." If I had the power to grant a new season to one show on Earth, this would be it. Alas, it more or less tanked in the States thanks to a bad time slot and some odd editing for censorship and pacing. I mean, it wasn't a perfect cartoon on either side of the border (or ocean, since it was Japanese/Canadian)--at least one episode lifted an idea or three from Batman: The Animated Series--but God, it was just beautiful. See this intro? That's how lovely the animation was in this show, all the time.
Sniff. Waaah.
|
|
| Labour Day (ladies, start your pushing!) |
[07 Sep 2009|07:54pm] |
The problem with living in Toronto is that people from other provinces who've never seen the place keep telling you that your city is a crime-ridden shithole, so sometimes you forget that it's full of lovely paths and parks and interesting streets that are very much worth exploring. I took a long Labour Day bike ride, talked to neighbours, played fetch with dogs, and made a cat glare at me suspiciously because I had the gall to say "Hi, Kitty."
The kids are back to school tomorrow, so everyone's outside soaking up what they can of the sun and fun. I pulled into the lot of a nearby Hebrew school to pitch some trash in their dumpster and saw the greatest thing ever: the lobby has a life-size cutout of Mr Clean wearing a skullcap and tzitzit, and he's saying, "WE'RE CLEANING UP OUR ACT!"
Moreh Clean might be referring to a localised drug problem, as they tend to kind of happen in some Hebrew schools. Either way, if I had to look into the watchful eyes of that cutout every time I entered the school, I'd be pitching my nickelbag into the rubbish bin at his hip.
|
|
| Writer's Block: Home for a Rest |
[07 Sep 2009|03:06am] |
Curling up in a blanket and telling the world to fuck off.
In addition:
-Dristan (I have an addiction)
-Nasal irrigation
-Orange juice
-Ice cream for my poor, poor throat
-Scotch
-Tea
-Cough syrup with codine
-Hungarian goulash, as provided by the restaurant next door
-Cold FX. In my heart, I know it doesn't do shit, but I always dope myself up because of a little nagging voice that says to me, "But what if it does?"
I also have some chicken broth powder that makes for a nice mug of quick hot soup. Thing is, "chicken" broth is a misnomer; this stuff is kosher and "parave," which means it's meat- and- diary free. The secret ingredient, therefore, is salt. It's great for killing off the nasty germs that cause a sticky throat, but otherwise, my special kosher chicken-tea is probably a ticket to an early death. So it's a sometimes-food.
|
|
| Not Funny Comics |
[03 Sep 2009|05:39pm] |
Hi, everyone. I thought I might give vomiting through my nose a try, but I only have enough half-digested breakfast in my stomach to do it once.
Maybe you can help me decide which comic is more worthy of getting angrily puked on.
This?
Or...?
(Full comic here)
|
|
| Sunday Funnies (and profanities) |
[30 Aug 2009|12:31pm] |
On IRC, zaphy and I were talking about the villagers in Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia, and the conversation magically turned to bus bench vandalism.
Red_Draco> Looking at these portraits reminds me of the time our neighbours put their house up for sale, and the Re/Max salesperson's picture was of an Asian guy smiling, holding a telephone to his ear...
Red_Draco> And one of the neighbourhood kids, possibly my younger brother, drew devil horns on him with a red crayon, and fire spewing out of his mouth, and "I AM GAY" on his forehead
Zafflesia> There's an asian supermarket that we go to with this big advertising board outside, and some dude put up his photo for his real estate stuff
Zafflesia> with a bible quote saying something like "a man who speaks the truth"
Zafflesia> and some kids drew ejaculating penises all around him
Zafflesia> it's not there anymore, that ad
Red_Draco> Reminds me of the time BD saw a bus ad for a Hillary Duff movie, and someone wrote, "INSERT COCKS HERE" with arrows pointing to her mouth and up her skirt
Red_Draco> There's a flea market in Toronto alled Dr Flea's. The bus ads used to be of a cartoon bug, smiling and waving against a black backdrop...
Red_Draco> They had to change it to a yellow backdrop because kids kept taking black markers to the ad and blacking out the bug's fingers until he was giving the finger to everyone.
Kia_Purity> I love those kids
Red_Draco> For years and years there's been a bus bench ad near our place that has a Ben Wicks cartoon of a guy with cement blocks on his feet, with the words "DROWNING IN DEBT?" under it...
Red_Draco> And some time ago, someone made a word balloon coming out of the guy's mouth, so he's yelling, "Fuck ME!"
Also for your amusement: Ponyo on a Boat.
I was initially undecided if I want to see Ponyo in theatres, but I think I'm in love with those water effects, SO...
|
|
